Sticky Situation

I got a strange call last summer, while I was at work. I'll confess - I answered it.
The man on the other line proceeded to tell me all about how he'd been in a relationship, until very recently. Actually, they'd broken up about 2 days prior. He really thought she was the one, but apparently she hadn't felt the same way. So I sat there and listened to him tell me this sad story for a minute. Thus, a minute was about all I could spare - I really wasn't supposed to be on my phone at work.
In my terribly confused state, I sat there and pondered what on earth any of this had to do with the price of tea in China! He'd mentioned one of my co-workers, Jenny and I thought that he was looking of a reference and unloading his entire personal life on me, so I interrupted him with a rather abrupt, "uhm, is there something I can help you with?"
Apparently, Jenny from another department had given him my phone number MONTHS ago and he was just now calling me. Only... not about a reference. This was him asking me out. It was like a train wreck! I couldn't look away! err... I mean... hang up...
So I politely let him know that I was at work and technically not supposed to be on my phone and that I'd call him back later. He asked what time I was off. 5. My phone rang promptly at 5:02. and again at 5:06. I didn't even have time to get out of the building...
He proceeded to ask me all kinds of questions, one of them being my age. It's a good thing that I was at least 28. Apparently had I been any younger, it definitely would not have worked out. It's good that he knew all that from our first (or 2nd?) phone conversation.
So he picked me up, the following night for our date. Yeah... I really agreed. Train wreck, remember??
His car was sticky. Literally. It grossed me out like you wouldn't believe. So I just sat there and tried not to touch anything. ew...
He'd forgotten something at his place, so before we headed out for our date, we went back to his apartment for a minute. He invited me in and proceeded to bore me with the ins and outs of a computer program that he was developing for the city. In his free time. So he could show them what they needed, apparently. It was a program with a listing of all the apartment complexes and their value. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that the city already has access to all of that information. Just sayin...
so we're standing in his kitchen and he starts to tell me all about how he was about to graduate in computer science, but before his last semester, he'd prayed and prayed and just really felt like he needed to quit school. Then, he bought this duplex with his sister, but she pays for most of it and he just manages it, but he doesn't make enough waiting tables at the Golden Corral, to pay the mortgage alone. And about how the people that he rents to aren't usually of an ethnic background, because those kinds of people (according to him) don't pay their bills and don't take care of their property, etc etc etc...

So let's stop time for just a second here and discuss the events up until now.

What I get from this is that he just got out of a "relationship" of some kind (and I'm starting to see why it didn't work out) and he's an over-sharer with a mortgage he can't afford, God told him to drop out of school with one semester left and he's racist.

AWESOME. Bring it on!

So we get back in his car. Sticky, remember...?? and drive up the canyon. Great, I'm going up the canyon alone with a dood I don't know. Good thinking, Bek.

South Fork Park. I'm sure you've all been there at some point. Naturally he doesn't want a fire pit spot close to the park, he wants to walk across the park, over the bridge and set up out there. Ok. Then he goes off looking for kindling to start the fire.

Fast Forward to the fire is started and we're now roasting Brats. Okay. Do-able. So we're sitting around, doing the whole get-to-know-you bit. He picks up a piece of wood and starts chopping it up. Well, trying to anyway. He then proceeds to tell me about his father. I guess it's not such a good relationship, because if "there were no spiritual or legal ramifications, he'd have no problem with killing his father."

Wait - what? Serious? I started looking around for an exit. We're about 30 feet or so from the bridge and I kid you NOT, when I say there was LITERALLY A SKUNK ON THE BRIDGE. No joke. The only time I've ever seen a real, live skunk and it has to be NOW of all times.

So at this point, I think I have two options. I can either sit tight where I am and there's a 50/50 chance that I'll be chopped up into little pieces and left for the wild animals to devour, or I can make a break for it and get skunked.

So naturally, I sat there. Pondering my own death. Waiting for divine intervention.

Not even a week later, I'm settling into my seat at the theater, with Dan, when my phone starts ringing. I ignored it...